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Friday, October 1, 2010

Happy Birthday, Bill

Dear Bill,

You are so sensitive about turning 30. I am sure it has something to do with me have no idea why. To mark this very special occasion, I'm going to take the time to tell you 30 things I love about you.

1. You make me laugh.
2. You pull out every gray hair you find.
3. You're a clothes whore and won't admit it.
4. You watch The Colony.
5. You want to visit a pawn shop in Vegas that you've seen on the History channel.
6. You watch Man Woman Wild with Kelsey every Saturday morning.
7. You kiss me every time I walk in the door.
8. You kiss me goodnight even when I'm sleeping.
9. You love Molly even though you hate cats.
10. You play two square in the driveway.
11. You get as excited as me when you find a foot long zucchini in the garden.
12. You coach a soccer team of ten 6-8 year old girls and don't complain. Much.
13. You can always find the good in a situation.
14. You're ambitious at work.
15. You support me when I worry about being bi-polar.
16. You eat soy crumbles and try to pretend it's ground beef.
17. You talk about the Cold War and Cuba with Will and don't lose your patience.
18. You encourage Will to be a chef even though you would love for him to play football.
19. You challenged me to make a goal--which led to a half marathon (that I haven't done) (and also led to an injury).
20. You want to get travelers checks for Las Vegas (so cute).
21. You let me take your phone upgrade so I could get the Droid I've been wanting for what seems like forever.
22. You've been paying attention to my moods and asking me what's wrong when you notice something is off.
23. You take just as long to get yourself through security at the airport as I take to get the kids and myself through (this is only amusing after the fact).
24. You didn't bat an eye when my family moved to Boise right after we did.
25. You put up with love my brother like he's your brother.
26. You managed to grow up and not turn out like Alan (sorry if you're reading this Alan).
27. You'll let me get another dog if I want one.
28. You watch iCarly and like it.
29. You help with the laundry.
30. You love me despite all my faults.

We are going to have a great time celebrating your 30th, Bill. It's going to be a weekend that we're not going to let you forget.

I love you.

Your Wife

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Will's Journey: Part I

I've always known that Will was special.  Not like in the way that a parent believes their child is special.  No, I've always thought that Will was "change the world" special.  Okay, maybe not that special, but special nonetheless.  When everything started declining in his fourth grade year, I pulled up my big girl mommy panties and told Will the way it was going to be.  The way it was going to be was that he was going to do what I said.  The only thing that he didn't have to do was have a smile on his face while doing it.  Imagine my surprise when my angel turned into a devil.  Homework sessions that should be fifteen minutes turned into two hours.  There was homework missing, lying, crying.  It wasn't a simple case of laziness.  That's what I contributed it to at first.  That's why it wasn't until May that the light bulb went off.  Lets get Will tested for ADD. 

By the time we got the testing started, it was already mid-July.  Not exactly an ideal time for testing when most of his problems stem from being in school.  After I discussed my concerns with the psychologist, I was convinced that it wouldn't matter enough to change the result.  Will either had ADD or he didn't.  I didn't tell anyone about the testing except for my sister and my best friend.  I wasn't one of those mom's that was looking to throw medication at a problem.  Will was not (and is not) a problem to me.  I felt that there was a problem that needed to be addressed before it was out of my control. 

We got the official results on September 1st.  Will has ADHD (inattentive type).  They don't differentiate with ADHD and ADD anymore.  They clarify with inattentive or hyperactive.  Will is by no means hyperactive.  That is laughable and anyone that knows Will is probably smiling at the thought.  It changed everything and nothing for our family.  It changed everything because Will has to try harder.  I have to work harder to make sure I'm attentive to his needs.  If he needs help, I have to see it almost before he does.  I walked out of the office that day and I was in tears before I got to my car.  All I kept thinking was of how hard it was going to be.  I kept forgetting that it might have been hard with a kid within the normal boundaries of ADHD.  Will isn't normal.  He's special.  We've already had our ups and downs.  We'll continue to have them.  I still cry, but it's less now.

Will wasn't with us on September 1st.  We took him back the following week so the psychologist could explain the results to him.  When it was explained to him, he said "I already know that homework is hard for me".  All that was missing was a "duh" at the end of his sentence.

I love that kid.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Coming out on the other side

As I've said many, many times, depression is a hard thing to live with.  It's something that will affect everyone around you; your family, your friends, even your co-workers.  In the times that you feel so bad that you wonder if you'll every feel normal again, you have to know that you will.  When that day comes, it's important to reflect that you have made it.  You made it.  You know it will come again, but that's not something that you need to think about now.  All you need to think about is that you feel like yourself again.

I feel like myself again.  I feel better than I have in a long time.  I've felt better for a couple of weeks, but it's something that I've held close as if I shared it I would have to give it away.  Sometimes I feel like it will just be gone in a second.  That is happening less and less as I just take one day at a time.  At times I take one minute at a time.  That's all I can do when I'm trying to get through something that feels unmanageable.  When I think about going through another bout of depression, it feels unmanageable so I don't let myself think about it.  Not this minute anyway.

There's no magic potion that I've taken to make it better.  Medication is definitely a portion of my "treatment", something that I have vowed to myself will on day be unnecessary.  I don't know if that's true, but for now I say it will be.  The biggest difference is my sleep cycle and exercise.  I am getting 7-9 hours of sleep per night.  No more, no less.  I wake up within the same two hours (5:30-7:30am) everyday.  Even the weekends.  Yes, it can suck but it makes a huge difference.  With the help of a friend, I have taken up a half-marathon training schedule.  I'm running 3x a week and cross training 3x a week.  In addition to the weight loss (10lbs!!!!), the energy I feel is freaking amazing.  While I haven't felt the runners high (someday I hope), I don't want to give up what I feel when I get back from a run.  The feeling of accomplishment is something I can't quite explain. 

My life isn't perfect and it's not easy.  I've worked hard to get from where I was in May to where I am now.  I feel 100% different.  I just want people to know that it will get better.  Don't give up hope.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Why some drivers just peeve me off

Stupid drivers are something I have no tolerance for.  I had no idea that Idaho is littered with stupid drivers when we moved here.  Until our latest weekend to Portland, I had no idea that my own husband of ten years fell into the category of an Idaho driver.  We've been taking road trips for years, so I can't even say why it's only now that I'm noticing.  It may be because I can read less in the car when I'm a passenger--which really bums me out.  What I do know is that I might just have to get in the back with the kids with my own set of headphones next time.

There are several specific things that I remember learning when I was in drivers ed.

  • Merge on the freeway traveling at the speed of traffic.
  • Slower traffic KEEP RIGHT.
  • Do not swerve for small animals, as much as it pains you not to do so.
Those are just the ones that I remember with crystal clarity.  At first I didn't think they taught these fine rules of driving here in Idaho.  They do.  What they must add on (this is the only explanation I can come up with) is that these rules only apply OUTSIDE the state of Idaho.  The Oregon state line is about 80 miles west of where we live.  When traveling to Portland, I am always shocked as shit when the people that won't move the fuck out of my way when I'm driving to work, immediately yield the fast lane.  What is that all about?  I'm just as dumbfounded on the way home when the same fucking people slow down and don't move over when we cross back over into Idaho.  I'm not exaggerating either.  I've made it my mission in life to notice the sheer lack of intelligence in these drivers.

One thing that a group of Idaho drivers can do while traveling at the speed of approx. 60mph on the freeway is completely stop it because...there was an ambulance, firetruck, [insert emergency vehicle] going the OPPOSITE way.  Because you know that the cop is going to jump the center (concrete) divide and come and getcha.  Due to poor road planning, he sure as hell can't get off the nearest exit since it's ten damn miles away!!

The fear that Idaho has of cops would be hysterical if it didn't affect me on a daily basis.  Little did I know how much it really did affect me.  I'm outing you, Bill.  While driving home, he saw a cop on the other side of the freeway and he SLOWED DOWN.  The cop was traveling the opposite way.  Now I have to admit that he did have a bad ticket experience, but that was in Los Angeles for crying out loud.  Not only that, but as soon as we got into Idaho, what did he do (or in this case didn't do)?  Yield the fast lane.  Tsk tsk.

Since I'll never be a driver's ed teacher, the next best thing is to educate by blog. 

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Spare change?

After ten years of marriage, Bill and I have finally gone on a budget.  An honest to God, real budget.  We have a spreadsheet.  We have envelopes with cash.  We don't use our atm cards.  We've cut up our credit cards.  It's hardcore, people.  If I go to the grocery store with a $100 and it rings up to $105, I will put back $5 worth of stuff.  That hasn't happened yet, but I imagine that's what I would do.

Bill and I each get an "allowance", if you will.  A certain amount of money (me for books, him for golf) that covers our weekly expenses.  Over the course of the last four weeks, I have found that I do not like spending my money.  I wouldn't even call myself frugal.  I am effing cheap!  When my mom asks me out to lunch, I hesitate now.  I mentally add how much money I have in my wallet and how much I would have left if I spent $X amount.  It's kind of a joke now.  I raid the change jar for soda money.  Bill generously offers to use $5 of his money to send Kelsey on a field trip.  I say take it out of the grocery money. 

This really is something that I didn't know about myself.  What's interesting to me is what a difference it makes when you have cash instead of an atm or credit card. I really never thought twice about swiping my atm card.  Now, breaking a $20 is something that I need days to consider.

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Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Depression Sux

I still remember the day that I was told that I was depressed.  I looked at the therapist and gave him a look that said he was crazy, yo.  I didn't have thoughts of suicide, I didn't have crying jags, I wasn't sad.  That was also the day that I finally realized that depression comes in many forms.  Mine comes in the form of exhaustion.  When I get depressed, I am exhausted all.the.time.  Not tired; exhausted.  It feels like I've been working for five days straight without taking a break. It is most annoying, especially b/c I am able to recognize it for what is is.  It makes me want to punch something.  Right now I would like to punch a whole in the wall of my cubicle.

I took Will and Kelsey to visit my sister this past weekend.  We drove to the Oregon coast (hello freaking COLD and nothing like the CA coast) and talked which makes me wish that I could see her every day (what can I say? I'm not a phone person).  She really helps me look at things from a different perspective.  After I spend time with her, I tend to re-evaluate.  I also envy her.  It's not b/c she gets to go to Hawaii twice this year (I'll be there in spirit).  It's not b/c she gets to be a stay-at-home mom (someday, when Will & Kelsey are teenagers I'll be a great SAHM).  There are many reasons I'm not envious.  The reason I am is b/c she is happy and I can see it every time I see her.  My sister is a natural born caretaker, the quintessential SAHM.  If she wasn't my sister, I would still love visiting her b/c she always has things that she knows I like.  Whether it be wine, or shampoo, or my own pink loofah waiting for me on the bed.  The place she is right now it life is hard won, something that can be said for almost everyone that is really and truly happy. 

What I want to know is how do I get to that point?

Because I'm such a glass-half-empty type of person, I try VERY hard not to concentrate on the negative.  Today, at this very moment in time, I'm having a really hard time with that.  I could write a list of twenty things that are depressing me right now.  There is one good thing, but it's hardly worth mentioning and it makes me sound like a god-awful mother.  I am in a depressive funk and it's really fucked. 

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Letter to my husband

Dear Bill,

Now that I can be pretty sure I'm not going to die of internal bleeding after my wreck on Saturday, I feel that it's safe to tell you that you were right.  Even if my spleen didn't rupture like I was sure it was going to, you still would have been right.  It's not that I would rather have had a chest protector than the bracelet you got me for my birthday.  No, I'm talking about your instance that I wear a helmet.  I have to admit that most of the time when I complain about wearing it, I'm giving you a hard time.  I'm glad you insisted even though it's likely I would have worn it anyway. 

In the future--and we both know that there will be a future incident--please don't shake me if I'm laying still on the ground.  Haven't you watched Grey's Anatomy?  ER?  Never move the victim (or in this case: rider)...his/her my neck could have been broken.  Also, please give my bruises the respect they deserve.  You are right, they are like war wounds.  Do something original like Kelsey.  Every time I show her, she screams and covers her eyes. 


P.S. Casee: 1 Tree: 0

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Health"care" reform? I think not.

To say that I'm disturbed by the new healthcare bill that has passed would be an understatement.  First it should be made clear that this is NOT bill for healthCARE reform.  This is a bill for affordable healthcare.  To dumb it down even further, it is health INSURANCE reform. 

Sec. 1501 "Requirement to maintain minimum essential coverage"

The United States government is FORCING American citizens to buy something whether you want to or not.  Does that not raise a red flag???  Let's compare health insurance to car insurance, shall we?  I am required by law to have insurance on my car.  However, driving is a privilege.  That means that I don't HAVE to drive.  If I choose to drive, then I HAVE to have car insurance.  See the difference?  The federal government is telling me that I have to have health insurance whether I want to or not.  They are taking away my choice. 

Sec. 9002 "Inclusion of cost of employer-sponsored health coverage on W-2"

For those Americans that CHOOSE to get health insurance through their employers, you will now see an additional box on your W-2.  This will include the cost of your insurance to your employer and be added to your gross income liability.  By Jan. 1, 2014 when this bill goes fully in effect, I have no doubt that the cafeteria plan will be obsolete.  So not only will we not be able to reduce our taxable gross income, we will be paying taxes on monies that we are paying for health insurance.  This particular section is going to do nothing but hurt people like me that already CHOOSE to have health insurance and are lucky enough to get it through our employers. 

Sec. 9005 "Limitation on health flexible spending arrangements under cafeteria plans"

Yet another way that my taxable gross income will go up.  This section will limit the amount of money you can put in your FSA plan.  It cuts it by HALF.  Last year I put $2k in my FSA plan and the money was spent by June.  I should have put the full $5k you can put in, but I didn't think I needed that much.  This year, I've put $3k in.  I've already used $1k of it.

The tax cuts from 2000 are expiring.  Add in Sec. 9002 and Sec. 9005 and I'm going to be put in a higher tax bracket.  It's a snowball effect.  I will pay more taxes so I will have less disposable income.  Therefore I will spend less.  What I personally put in the economy is minute, but when you take millions of people like me, it will take a noticeable effect.  That's not even taking into account the fact that businesses will be forced to raise their prices to meet the requirements of this bill.

My opinions are based on facts.  The government should not have the right to tell American citizens what they must buy.  For the life of me, I can't imagine why an American would support this.  It truly boggles my mind.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Bullying controversy: Where are the parents?

This bullying story is really tragic.  Several people (minors and adults) have been charged with various crimes.  That's all well and good, but my question is where are the parents?

Not the parents of the bullies, but the parents of this girl that got bullied.  Whatever the media reports, there is no way that the bullying alone was what drove her to commit suicide.  It's a horrible thing that happened, but sometimes you need to take a step back and ask yourself why.  Why would bullying drive this teenage girl to end her own life?  What was going on in her own life when it happened?  Where in the hell were her parents?  There had to be mental issues prior to the bullying.

Which brings me to bullying in general.  I'm not sure that bullying has gotten worse in the last twenty years.  It's the reaction to the bullying that has changed.  Parents have taken the responsibility of protecting their children from themselves and put it on the school who in turn put it on law enforcement.  When I was a kid, short of getting physically abused, the school would not step in.  Why should they?  From 3rd grade all the way to high school there was a boy that bullied me constantly.  And he was MEAN.  Not physically, but verbally.  I would go home in tears and wonder what I ever did.  I've been prone to depression my entire life, but never did I think about committing suicide.  What I did was go home and talk to my mom.  Or rather I would go home and cry on her shoulder and she would do what a parent should do: she counseled me.  She talked to me and gave me tools to cope.  She gave me ideas on how to stay or get out of situations where this boy (who I hope is working the counter at McDonalds) would verbally attack me.

I'm now in a place where I'm the mom.  I've already had to give my nine year old advice on bullying.  Even if I don't give him the exact right advice, you better believe that I would know if he depressed way before he even (God forbid) contemplated suicide.  I want to know where Phoebe Prince's parents were during the whole thing.  You aren't bullied for months without your parents knowing.  If your parents know you're being bullied, they know how it's affecting you.  They would see changes in behavior.  Phoebe's suicide was avoidable.  If her parents had been more aware of their daughter or helped her cope and deal with the bullies, she might still be here today.  If the bullies' parents didn't have their heads up their asses, their kids wouldn't be such assholes. 

Step up parents.  Take responsibility.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Ten Years of Wedded Bliss

Dear Bill,

We've been married for ten years. It's hard to wrap my mind around that. Ten years seems like such a long amount of time, yet it has flown by. I remember that one day at my parent's house in Rocklin. You know the day...I like to think of it as The Intervention. Our parents sat us down and talked to us about what a mistake we would be making by getting married. Even your dad chimed in about us being too young to get married. Here we are ten years later. In another ten, we'll probably be sitting down with Kelsey and Some Guy telling them DON'T GET MARRIED THIS YOUNG.

I have grown so much as a person, a wife, and a mom since we got married. In our first few bumbling years of marriage, you were endlessly patient with me when I would accuse you of going to play golf to get away from me. What can I say? I was eighteen years old. It was hard those first few years (thank God Will was such a good baby), but we both grew up (If we're honest with each other, it was me more than you). I learned how to balance being my own person with being a wife and mom. Kelsey was unexpected (which should have been a sign), but we made it through that too.

We moved from California to Idaho. If there's anything you know about me, it's that I HATE MOVING. I told you in 2006 that if we made the move successfully without killing each other or ending up in Divorce Court that we could weather anything. We've had our ups and downs like any couple, but we came out together on the other side. If we could handle an out-of-state move, we could handle the world. And we have.

Ten years, Bill. We made it.


Monday, February 1, 2010

30 Day Shred: Pass or Fail?

I made one New Years resolution this year.  Complete Jillian Michael's 30 Day Shred dvd.  I started on January 4th.  I did really good for a week, then I got sick.  I skipped one day and was slowly plodding through it.  Then I got bored.  So I skipped two days.  Basically, I'm 22 days through it.  I wanted to get through it before we went to Hawaii on Feb 8th, but I don't know if that's going to happen.  I would love to say that I'll do it every day from now until then, but lets be honest here.  I won't.  I have every intention of doing it, but it probably won't happen. 

I'm finally up to Level 3 and let me tell you, that mother is hard.  It looks easy when you compare them to levels one and two, but pa-cha.  It's not.  The sumo squats?  Holy mother of God.  Those HURT.  Whenever I've read reviews where the people have said that they yell and scream at Jillian, I wondered who could be crazy enough to do that.  I AM.  It hurts so bad that I have to yell at her to distract myself so I don't quit.  It hurts right now just thinking about what I'm going to be doing tonight.

So have I lost weight?  I've lost about 7 pounds.  My clothes fit a little better.  Other than that, it hasn't been a huge amount of progress.  It's not like I was planning on being in a bikini on the beaches of Hawaii, but I did want to feel comfortable in the clothes that got a little tight over the holidays.  We went to Old Navy on Saturday to get Kelsey a bathing suit and some flip flops.  I grabbed a pair of bermuda shorts for myself--the same size as my other pair of ON bermuda shorts.  I got home and THEY WERE FREAKING TIGHT.  I know this sounds so lame, but I don't want to go up a size.  When I started losing my pregnancy weight after four freaking years and went down in pant size, I promised I would never get back up to that size.  So I really don't want to.  But I also don't want to waste $30 on shorts that I may or may not wear.  Ugh.

As far as the 30 Day Shred, I would have to say pass.  Why?  Because I can do a full (non-girly push-up).  Yeah that's right.  I rock the push-up.

Friday, January 29, 2010

Why Obama isn't good for America

It has nothing to do with the fact that he's black. Or the more politically correct term African American. Who effing cares that the guy is black? I agree that it is monumental that America elected a black man as President. Even though I didn't vote for him or want him to become President, part of me was proud that Americans voted on what they thought was best without bringing race into it. So no, it's not because he's black.

The reason is b/c he's ruining what the United States stands for. If you've forgotten, go read the Declaration of Independence. "All men are created equal". Yes, but this person is a minority and was born into a broken home. How is he equal to a white boy who is born into a wealthy family and won't have to work for his entire life? Bullshite. You can be anything you want to be. You may have a harder time than someone else, but you can do it. Everyone that is born in this world can do something great, no matter what country they're in.

The United States was already in the ground when Obama was elected. He's just pounding Uncle Sam further into the ground. I am so mother-f-ing sick of hearing "I inherited blah blah blah". Dude, has any president been happy with what his predecessor left? Come on. I liken it to "but it's not my fault" when my son tells me why he didn't turn in his homework. To Obama I would say get the eff over yourself. Do what you PROMISED to do in the election. Oh that's right, you lied.

On Thursday night, Obama promised 30 billion MORE of our dollars to banks so they could give loans to small businesses. Essentially the government is telling the banks what they will do. Isn't that everything that we DON'T stand for? Like my husband has said, the banks have plenty of money. They just don't want to loan any out b/c they're scared. Scared of losing money. Which is what any business doesn't want. All businesses are in the business of making money. But now Obama is going to give more money and direct the banks where it needs to go.

I could go on and on. And I probably will. I'm done censoring myself so I don't offend anyone.

The bottom line is that by the time my kids are my age, the United States is going to be everything that the Founding Fathers fought against becoming.

Monday, January 25, 2010

So sick of being sick

I'm somewhat of a germ-a-phobe.  I don't share drinks with anyone.  I wash my hands religiously.  Yet I'm still the one that always gets sick.  WTF.  There is nothing I hate more than being sick.  Nothing.  Sure, it's a pain when one (or both) of the kids are sick, but I'm a much better caregiver than a care receiver.  I've had this cough since right after Christmas.  Nothing else, just a cough.  Then two weeks after my "just a cough", I got a cold to go along with it.  The cough seemed to have peaked with the cold.  Now the cold is going away and the "just a cough" is coming back. 

I hate it.  It's making me bloody miserable.  I fully admit that I'm a HORRIBLE sick person.  If I could, I would whine and cry non-stop until I got better.  But since I'm an adult and still the caregiver, I have to suck it up.  Which I HATE.  I want sympathy.  I want my mom.  I want peace and quiet.  These things just don't happen.

Not to mention that the lack of sleep that Bill is getting is making him turn into a mean Jack Bauer.  If I wake him up coughing at 3AM one more time, he might just put me (and himself) out of my misery.  So his lack of sleep affects everything else b/c he's a grump.  Bill doesn't do grumpy well.  All he does is remind me of my annoying younger brother and try to shove Vitamin C down my throat in hopes that it will clear up whatever is ailing me.

I've gone through about one liter of cough syrup.  And I'm talking the good stuff.  My current doctor isn't very liberal with her prescription pad like my previous doctor was.  Which isn't a good thing when I'm calling every four days asking "can I have a refill?" and being prepared to beg if necessary. 

Every time I get sick, I learn something new.  This time it's that Bill doesn't like when I cough in his face, even if I'm sleeping.  And if I do, he reserves the right to roll me out of bed.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

The Almost Vegan Project

I've been a strict vegetarian for almost three years now.  By strict I mean that I eat no meat at all.  Not even fish.  I won't eat anything that has beef or chicken stock in it.  I buy what I call "happy eggs" which are eggs from free range, vegetarian fed chickens.  I (usually) only buy organic milk.  Maybe I have my head buried in the sand, but I imagine that the cows which organic milk come from are happy and free to roam.  Like the California Cheese commercials.  I buy it for health reasons as well, but mostly b/c in my mind organic milk=happy cows. 

The question I always get: "What do you eat then?"  My response?  "What do you eat?". 

I eat almost all the same things as meat eaters.  I just replace a burger with a boca burger.  I replace chicken with chi'kn.  I eat tofu.  I add TVP to stuff.  I get as much protein as the next person, maybe even more.  Vegetarians can be as healthy or unhealthy as they want.  I can eat chips, cookies, and cake.  I try not to, of course, but I am a slave to junk food. 

It is b/c of this that I'm embarking on the "Almost Vegan Project".  It is a project where I will eat only vegan for x amount of time.  Vegan means nothing with animal by product.  No milk, cheese, eggs, or even honey.  I want to try it for health reasons more than personal reasons.  I have a friend that is vegan and she doesn't use or eat anything that has animal by products.  Like she replaced all her makeup b/c of [insert animal thing here] that was in her makeup when she went vegan.  I'm not going that far. 

I've been wanting to do this for some time, but frankly I'm too lazy.  If vegetarian recipes have ingredients that aren't usually found in your cupboard, you have to hunt down certain ingredients for vegan recipes.  Since I wasn't really committed to becoming vegan (at all) I just decided it wasn't worth the effort. 

The hardest thing to cut out will be cheese.  I'm not much of a milk drinker and I don't eat eggs a lot.  But I love cheese. 

Casee=cheese lover.   

So if there's anyone out there that wants to join me (or try an almost vegetarian), feel free.  It's really not that hard.  No, really.